September, time for AUGUST Canaries!

Absurdity! Absurdity! It's time to issue a Canary or three!

Not Dog, nor cat, nor horse, nor rabbit... I'm in the CANARY HABIT!

Ah, August was a FINE MONTH for nominees for the Canary awards! From a debt collector, to the Govt, to the Mortgage company, to a guy on Twitter, to the weather, to the power company, to the Satellite Company, to the Phone Company, to the anesthesiologist... OH, I had nominees galore.

It wasn't too hard to determine who was gonna get the BIRD. The question was who was gonna get WHICH bird.

While the weather caused a lot of problems last month (Tearing off the roof, wrecking a carport, leaving us without power for 41 hours, without phone service for 72 hours, and without satellite service for 60 hours, the weather STILL came in a distant fourth place.

Third place goes to a MORON whom I will not mention by name. He's a real jerk on Twitter. I thought there was hope for him, but I find I was wrong. This half-wit thinks that FAITH and FICTION are the same thing, seems to think if you can't quantify something it doesn't exist.

Well, I'm gonna respond to that: You can't see the stars in the day time. Therefore they don't exist. You can't see AIR. Therefore it doesn't exist. You can't see his brain, so it doesn't exist. (OH, I'm sorry -- he doesn't HAVE a brain, so it's obvious why you can't see it!)

To this fool, I want to point out that FAITH is a belief. SURE, you can believe in something that is an error. YOU have faith in Medical science. You believe that when you go to a physician, that he can cure you of what ails you. And just what happens when you are wrong?

I CAN'T SEE YOU, YOU do NOT EXIST, buddy! Bronze Canary for whatever your name is. I have NO REASON to believe that you told me the truth about your name. (SEE, that's my FAITH in action. My faith is in your lack of honesty!)

Second place gets the silver canary! And our all inclusive favorite "Debt collectors" get one this month. I was waiting for someone to come examine the house for repair work after the big storm. I see someone pull into the drive (Which is marked NO TRESPASSING), but I knew the insurance adjuster had my permission. To my surprise, it was a F***ing ass who was trying a door-to-door harassment approach to debt collection. I chased him off, told him "I have no time to talk to you. If you come back, I'll have you up on charges of Trespass." While I've not seen him since, I suspect he will return. And I will have the police out here in a matter of minutes!

And our illustrious GOLD CANARY, for the group I want to give the BIRD...goes to Mn School District 912! Since I moved to this area, I have voted down 8 times a proposed levy to "help" the schools around here. 7 times they've had the question on the ballot, one year they had it twice. I've voted it down 3 times in the last 2 years. And sure enough, these "TAX AND SPEND" jerks are at it again, Trying to get us to raise our property taxes for "The kids." But the thing is, they are spending A hundred Thousand trying to get us to raise the taxes! Why don't they stop trying to get us to raise our taxes and spend that money on THE KIDS? Because these morons on fundamentally STUPID, and their evil goes beyond sanity, beyond the darkest imagining of Stephen King! Raise my taxes? NO, NO, A THOUSAND TIMES NO, AND YOU WILL LOSE AGAIN, AS LONG AS I LIVE IN MN DISTRICT 912!

There you have it -- the Canary awards for August. If you have nominations, send 'em, and your explanation why they deserve a canary award. Who knows, maybe I'll give them THE BIRD for YOU!