No luck, no breaks

My wife was diagnosed with terminal cancer.
6 months, at most, prognosis.

She came home on the 4th.  Didn't eat much. Was drinking okay.
Her birthday came on the 5th.
on the 8th, she actually ATE.  I had hope.

9th, not much, 10th, less.  11-14....No signs of improvement, and straight downhill.

Each day, each time I wanted to do anything for her, it was, "Not now."  That's been the story of my life.

Early morning, just before 1 AM.  Not doing well...
I cry out "NOT TODAY!  NOT TODAY, DEATH, YOU BASTARD!"
5 AM... not well, cold, in a lot of pain.  6 AM, calm.
8:15, I check in, tell her I love her...Then go to set up a GOFUNDME account for final expenses
It's going to be needed.
At 8:40 -- she's gone.

Death's a bastard.  It hurts.  I'm now alone in a strange state, a strange city, few neighbors and fewer friends in the area.

There is nothing for me, here...except a house that I'm still paying on.

There is little to do but mourn.

My GOFUNDME page for my wife's final expenses is here:  https://tinyurl.com/y5jr4dra
No need for a long 128 character link!
If you can't help financial, just share the link.  That will help.

Death's a bitch.  EVERYTHING'S A BITCH..
-- Life's bitch-  then you die.
TRUTH...  AS I SEE IT

poem

Darken not my door again, cursed love.
Bless me not with your smile..I wish it not.
I want not your sympathy or false pity.
Just go to hell and ROT!

You have stolen all from me, cursed love
 You gave me lies and me bound
everything, all that I have loved...
Nothing but fake love, found.

I shan't, any longer, be enchanted,
No more shall I roam in search.
Give me rope and let me dangle
from the tree's highest perch.

My tears are hot and flowing
Do not ask me why
It is just too often
I am forced to say goodbye...

Thought for the day -- wise advice from one who knows.

It was THAT NIGHT... I had bowled, and I had my best series ever, not to mention my first and only 200+ all game, 3 game series.  It was getting late; I had yet to go home from the lanes.  I was going to stop in to see you...But I was tired and needed to be up for work next morning.  I'll stop in after work tomorrow -- so I decided.  But I wasn't too far away... although it was off my route.

I went home.  It was about 9:10 PM.  The phone rang.

I missed you.  By a matter of minutes, I missed you.  If I had stopped, I would still have missed you...but by only a few minutes.

It seems like yesterday.  But it already has been 16 years.  The call wasn't from you...but it was to let me know that I had missed you.  And now, 16 years after... I wonder if stopping would have made any difference in my life.

Mom, 16 years has passed.  You've been joined by many of the family and friends... You've been healed of your bad health.  You've been watching me, I am sure... You're probably saddened by what you see.  Right now, I wish I could draw on your strength and wisdom.  But it is not to be.

16 years without you.  How many ahead?  I cannot say.  What I can say is, "I miss you, and I love you always."

Friends, take it to heart....Never fail to tell your loved ones that you do love them.  Because that one you miss -- will be the one you forever regret.