That's Telling 'em! The Lawyer wins.

I received the following story in an Email. It's funny enough, so I decided to check more closely. SNOPES identifies this as a bit of "Lawyer Humor" originally from 1955, but embellished and updated several times since then. I don't know to whom to give credit for the story (original story teller), but thanks to my Aunt who sent it to me, and to Snopes for verifying the story (Although status of TRUE or FALSE remains uncertain.)

STORY.

Part of rebuilding New Orleans caused residents often to be challenged with the task of tracing home titles back potentially hundreds of years. With a community rich with history stretching back over two centuries, houses have been passed along through generations of family, sometimes making it quite difficult to establish ownership. Here's a great letter an attorney wrote to the FHA on behalf of a client:

You have to love this lawyer........

A New Orleans lawyer sought an FHA loan for a client. He was told the loan would be granted if he could prove satisfactory title to a parcel of property being offered as collateral. The title to the property dated back to 1803, which took the lawyer three months to track down After sending the information to the FHA, he received the following reply.

(Actual reply from FHA):
"Upon review of your letter adjoining your client's loan application, we note that the request is supported by an Abstract of Title. While we compliment the able manner in which you have prepared and presented the application, we must point out that you have only cleared title to the proposed collateral property back to 1803. Before final approval can be accorded, it will be necessary to clear the title back to its origin."

Annoyed, the lawyer responded as follows:
(Actual response):
"Your letter regarding title in Case No.189156 has been received. I note that you wish to have title extended further than the 206 years covered by the present application. I was unaware that any educated person in this country, particularly those working in the property area, would not know that Louisiana was purchased by the United States from France in 1803, the year of origin identified in our application. For the edification of uninformed FHA bureaucrats, the title to the land prior to U.S. ownership was obtained from France, which had acquired it by Right of Conquest from Spain. The land came into the possession of Spain by Right of Discovery made in the year 1492 by a sea captain named Christopher Columbus, who had been granted the privilege of seeking a new route to India by the Spanish monarch, Queen Isabella. The good Queen Isabella, being a pious woman and almost as careful about titles as the FHA, took the precaution of securing the blessing of the Pope before she sold her jewels to finance Columbus's expedition. Now the Pope, as I'm sure you may know, is the emissary of Jesus Christ, the Son of God, and God, it is commonly accepted, created this world. Therefore, I believe it is safe to presume that God also made that part of the world called Louisiana. God, therefore, would be the owner of origin and His origins date back to before the beginning of time, the world as we know it, and the FHA. I hope you find God's original claim to be satisfactory. Now, may we have our damn loan?"

The loan was immediately approved.

An old poem of mine

Many years ago, I wrote a poem called "Ode to a dollar bill" It's quite significant today, and I was trying to post it on Twitter. But it's really too long for that, so I'm putting it here. (There have been some unintentional changes, I'm sure!)

ODE TO A DOLLAR BILL

What's this in my pocket?

Oh my word, it's GREEN!

Could this be a dollar bill?

It reminds me of one I've seen!

How did I come about this?

In my pockets, so rarely seen;

Is this really a DOLLAR BILL?

It's an omen! What does it mean?

I've got to show this to my friends

around work, the lanes, the Church.

I've got to show this to my wife (Maybe I'd better NOT!);

they've left her in the lurch.

Here comes a friend, I'll take it out.

Oh Gawd, where did it go?

It vanished into the great beyond?

My GAWD, WHERE DID IT GO?!

I hadn't seen one in a year or more...

Now it's gone...

down the street, a cry of glee....

Someone found a dollar bill........

by "popular" demand!

Everyone who's at least 25 has probably heard the one-hit wonder Billy Ray Cyrus perform his song "Achy-Breaky Heart". You've probably heard his daughter, too... I mean, she is POPULAR.

Achy-Breaky Heart is the kind of song that can be easily parodied. It's got a catchy enough tune -- and it's kind of a... well ... novelty song. That's the "best" way I can put it!

You may have heard Weird Al's parody (Achy-breaky song).

Years ago, I had a time I spent doing a parody. I've never used the lyrics or the song. Since I can't hear anymore, it's kind of a shame that I can't do it.

But I wrote a parody -- "Loud & Smelly Fart"

I've quoted a few lines from the song (My lyrics). Some people have asked for more.

So, with all apologies to Billy Ray Cyrus, (And let me inform you -- if you use the lyrics for "Loud & Smelly Fart", royalties will have to go to the appropriate people. ) I will put the lyrics here.

While I claim these lyrics as my own, I must give appropriate acknowledgement to the writer and singer...Truthfully, I enjoyed the song!

LOUD AND SMELLY FART

(A parody of Achy-breaky heart)

I've been eating beans, and you know what that means;

I'll be getting aromatic soon.

Everybody knows what a fart is, I suppose.

I won't explain and waste my afternoon.

I've been holding in my gas, but soon I'll let it pass.

Believe me, you'll know it when I do.

So plug your ears and hold your nose; cuz the smell will curl your toes.

I'll shake the room at Richter five point two!

Yes, I'm going to let a fart, a loud and smelly fart.

I'm gonna do it just because I can.

And when I let that fart, that loud and smelly fart,

it's gonna be enough to kill a man.

Eggs and salad dressing, too, they add to the P.U.

I kid you not, it is gonna stink!

Stay away from river locks, and off of fishing docks,

cuz when I blow, you'll land in the drink.

Now it won't be long...but I will do no wrong.

I suggest that you leave the room.

Or put in some ear plugs, and mask that ugly mug,

otherwise, you're gonna meet your doom!

Yes, I'm going to let a fart, a loud and smelly fart.

I'm gonna do it just because I can.

And when I let that fart, that loud and smelly fart,

it's gonna be enough to kill a man.

Yes, I'm going to let a fart, a loud and smelly fart.

I'm gonna do it just because I can.

And when I let that fart, that loud and smelly fart,

it's gonna be enough to kill a man.

Yes, I'm gonna let a fart, a loud and smelly fart.

I need to ask, do you really care?

Cuz when I let that fart, that loud and smelly fart,

I'll smell up the air!

(I do not know how long I may be able to have this up.

It depends on the Powers that be...!)