Injuries and challenges...

1. So many people are telling me to "Take it easy" because of that leg injury from Sunday. The Doctor told me it could take 2-3 weeks or 2-3 MONTHS to heal properly. Told me not to ride a bike... And a second opinion of the same nature comes from the Northern land....
   
   I'm not going to overdo things. I know my limits...which is why I am constantly trying to challenge them and beat them!
   
   When I went on an 18 mile ride last year, I had never gone that far before. Then I challenged that, got 28, then 30, then 45!
   
   The doc told me to stay off the bike.. I went on yesterday did not quite 2 miles. That's not quite two miles more than the doc told me to do. Why do I push my luck?
   
   It's that rhetorical question: Why does a man climb a mountain?
   
   We are human. We are DRIVEN to challenge each other, challenge ourselves. We'll get injured at times. We will sleep when we are tired. We will continue to push our limits.
   
   The first man to wonder about getting to the moon passed on a dream. It wasn't possible...somebody challenged that, got farther. Someone beat that. And then it was beaten again. Then someone got into the sky. Then to space. Then, finally, they got to the moon. And Mars. And Venus. And out of the Solar system...We continue to push outward. We continue to challenge our limits; we HAVE no limits...
   
   The only limits we have are in our minds. And someone will challenge those!
   
   "If man were meant to fly, he'd have wings." We HAVE wings. We just need to learn how to use them!

The dream: Continue to pursue, let die, or kill it?

You have been pursuing a dream for months or maybe even years.  Although  part of it may be completed, you're really no closer to realizing your goal than you were when you started.  You may just not be suited for your goal.  You may have set our goal too high.  Maybe you have no talent.  Or maybe, just maybe, you've not been following a dream at all, but you've been wasting your time on a fantasy.  You're frustrated.  You're tired.  You're angry.  Or you're depressed.  

 You realize that you need to determine exactly why you are not reaching your goal   Regardless of when you have this epiphany, You have to take a good hard look at your goal.  You need to determine what's holding you back.  Then you need to do something about it.

Let's say your goal is to climb Mount Everest.  You've got the money.  But health problems have arisen:  Heart problems, diabetes, asthma.  You can adjust your goal -- let's say to Mount McKinley.  Or the Matterhorn.  

Let's say your goal is to run for Congress.  But you don't have the funding.  The options:  Try to spread the word without funding, try to raise funds, settle for something lower (Perhaps city council is in your grasp), or abandon the idea.

In every sense, there are 3 options:  You can continue to pursue (although perhaps adjusting the goal), let it die, or kill it.

I'm in such a situation right now.  At one time, I wanted to be a musician.  But I had no talent for that, instead adjusting the goal to writing music and lyrics -- in hopes that one day I'd have a chance to see my works performed.  But after 37 years, it seems likely that the day will not come.  My hearing has vanished, the probability that I will ever hear my works performed is near zero.

I face the same choices as a writer.  I finished my manuscript.  It's been rejected more than a few times.  I chose to try self-published.  I've changed the manuscript more than once.  I've changed the cover.  I've changed the "blurb."  While it is satisfying to see the work available, it is depressing to have no sales -- and I know how long the book has been available in one form or another.  Unfortunately, I have no way to promote professionally, and I have no talent for promotion.  

This leads me to my options:  Do I continue to pursue the dream, do I let it die, or do I kill it?  Or do I somehow manage to modify it to make it come true, in a more limited fashion?

I'm nearly 52.  It's highly likely that I have fewer days ahead than behind.  In fact, I suspect that 25 years is my maximum time left.  

Perhaps it's time to let this part of the dream die.  Or maybe I should just give it up entirely.  Limited success is better than none, but right now even limited success seems unreachable.  

To adjust the goal doesn't deal with the issues at hand.  To let the dream die is an acknowledgment of inadequacy.  To kill the dream is an admission of failure. Or maybe an admission of trying to follow a fantasy.

It seems likely that the dream is dying.  Whether I attempt to revive it, let it die a lingering death, or pull the plug -- that hasn't been decided.  But I need to make that Choice... AS I SEE IT.

No canaries for July, something else for a while

Normally, I'd give the Canary award, but it was a quiet July. So, I'm passing on it for now, and I will do a slightly different this time out.

I'm going to talk about my experiences with GOD. (Before you shut me off, I want you to understand -- this means my own evidence of the Existence of GOD, not face to face meetings. I'm not Moses, I've not been granted such a status as to be a prophet, Moses or Not, I am merely a messenger.

Today, (Monday the Second, Tuesday the third) I was in a bit of a debate with a self-proclaimed ATHEIST who is known as "Packard_Sonic" on Twitter. He started out, pretty much, with a similar statement to this "He's not coming back. It's been 2000 years. Get over it."

As a Christian, I felt obliged to speak up, and state my case on this topic.

Well, you can imagine this guy isn't really an "Atheist," but a very die-hard skeptic. He demands Proof... well I demand proof of life on other planets. I've never seen any, but it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I demand proof of AIR, in particular oxygen (And I think he would, too). I don't "SEE" any proof...but without oxygen, we'd be dead!

While P_S is claiming "Fables," I point out chariots (Which date from the time of Moses) which were found at the bottom of the Red (Actually REED) Sea. (RED, only because it reflects the mountains of Edom, and Edom means RED.)

While he thinks the Chariots could have been from a Capsized boat, I ask "Where's the wreckage?"

While P_S is great at twisting words, trying to rile me, I am going to point out my OWN EXPERIENCES... and while they probably won't convince him, It's my chance to witness.

So, Pack -- Read up, and I don't think you're going to be able to claim anything but Supernatural in some of these things. And THAT means "THE HAND OF GOD."

In 1972, on August 14th, some friends of mine and I were discussing the disappearance of the 5 avenger Torpedo Bombers (Slightly after WWII) and ONE Martin Mariner plane. All of a sudden, Roland (His real name) speaks something I wouldn't have expected. "I SEE A CROSS!"

We were sitting under a tree, he was looking at the ground...we stared at the ground. Nobody but Roland saw anything. There were no branches that could have made a cross shape. We dismissed it, (although we were young and very impressionable) and went swimming.

About 9 that night, the police came to our home. It seems that my Grandfather had passed away very close to the time that Roland had seen that cross on the beach. I didn't see the cross...but the idea made a mark.

Who's to remember all this, right? Well, a few years later, I started remembering dreams.

One was about a Crash that killed an entire sports team. I didn't recognize the team, but thought it may be professional. Only a few weeks later the entire Evansville Basketball team was killed in a crash. You might call it "Co-inky-dink." But this stuff continued.

Around this time,I dreamed of being in a "Church" -- which had odd rules. They'd tie you down, hold a light over your head...It made very little sense. Some people escaped the "church" just before it caught fire. Not long after, the Jonestown Massacre (or mass suicide, as you prefer) occurred, killin hundreds, plus a congressman.

Have you ever dreamed of a Calendar? I did. Twice, in fact. One date was circle on a 1979 Calendar. It was November 4th. What did it mean? I had no idea. Shortly after that, I had another Calendar dream -- Sunday, May 18th, circled in RED on a 1980 Calendar.

November 4th rolls around -- and there is a storming and seizing of the American Embassy in Tehran, Iran. And then, May 18th, 1980-- Mount St. Helens Explodes...What, more coincidence? Early in 1981, Another dream -- a Shuttle accident, killing all on board. Odd, since the Shuttle hadn't even really begun missions. It was only ENTERPRISE. Until, that is, January 28, 1986, when the Challenger blew up, killing all 7 aboard.

Sometime there after, I was shoveling walks and driveways to make extra money. I was shoveling a driveway, and it began to snow, HARD. It wasn't expected to let up for a couple of days. I noticed a hearing aid missing. I check the driveway I was working on, but NOTHING. I prayed! "Let me find it. Stop the snow until I do!" I knew the forecast: Heavy snow for 2 days. I prayed again, same words. Suddenly, the snow stopped. I kept looking for the Aid, but couldn't find it. I finally went home. The snow was still stopped. I started looking around the house, and finally spotted my aid on the floor, behind a waste basket. I picked it up, put it on...and only a few minutes later it started snowing again.

Shortly after the death of my father in 1995, I began having an "Inner voice" talking to me...or so it seemed. It was telling me to prepare for Mom's death. Ok, her health wasn't "Great." But every time we went to church, a voice would say "Yet (Number) times this scene shall be repeated, and then, no more." When we reached "0", that was it. The scene was never repeated. She was too weak to go to church any more. And only a few weeks later, when I failed to stop where she was that evening, she passed away. What was more frightening was that just a year and a half earlier, I told my dad to Get out of the hospital. The next day, he did...as a corpse.

In 1998, I was driving to work about to pass Elk River, MN. I saw what appeared to be a man in black, crossing the road. I slowed down because he paused in the middle of the road. But then, he vanished. Just a few days later, my brother-in-law died.

In 2001, in November, I saw the same vision, and did the same -- I received a call that day that my mother-in-law had suffered a heart attack, and was in the hospital. The next day, I saw the vision again. And the following Saturday, she passed away.

In 2007, I was unemployed. It was summer, storms are nothing new. I was watching the sky darken, and a cloud started rotating...Tornado on the way. My prayer was that it pass us. What happened? As a watched, a cloud formed under the cloud that was rotating. A funnel was coming down, but the cloud below it formed the shaped of a hand. Oh, how I wish I had been able to take a photo of that! The hand-shaped cloud kept the funnel from getting any lower....and the danger passed.

Later in the year, I was getting discouraged in my job hunt. I needed a sign, some sort of encouragement. I asked GOD for a bird of prey to land on a dead tractor we had...as some sort of sign that things would be OK then, that I'd have a job soon.

A day later,k I was going out to feed the horses, and saw a bald eagle on the tractor. It flew off, but only minutes later, I received a call from a potential job... and I GOT THAT JOB. I could not explain it, except that GOD had answered my call.

So, to Packard_Sonic -- Now you know WHY I BELIEVE that God exists, and that Christ will return. You can seek a sign -- but you must have a believing heart. Otherwise, it's like Christ himself said: "An evil and adulterous generation seeks for a sign. Blessed is he who has not seen and yet believes."

Just remember: You and I cannot COMMAND God to do anything. We must pray in accordance to the wishes of His Son: "Thy Kingdom Come. Thy Will be done on Earth as it is in Heaven."

So much I miss

Across the nation, thousands of people are losing their homes to foreclosure because of the economy. I'm one of those people. I am being hounded for money that I ain't got, our health (Both of us) is deteriorating, disappointment is everywhere. There is so much I miss.

I miss my old home. I could have been there, not facing problems of foreclosure. I could still be working at the second to last job, possibly earning 15+ an hour. But that depends on whether or not my hearing loss would have cost me the job. It could have.

I miss my parents. Dad gone 15 years, Mom 14.

I miss my hearing. My aid is not working (Need an ear piece and tube), and that's not assuring me of anything. My eyesight is going, too...or so it seems. It's not comforting.

But I think, even with so many losses (house, parents, hearing, eyesight, health in general, wife's health) I think I miss one thing more than anything....

I refer to dreams. I used to have dreams that I pushed to reach, I had goals, I had fantasies.

So many dreams fell by the wayside in the last 30 years. SO MANY. I don't know where to start, or even if I should.

I dreamed of being a musician. I wrote songs (Still do, but it's much harder). I sang. I was in a band, our goals were big. Larry went on to become a who was able to live part of his dream. Jeff disappeared. Dave wasn't really into it, went into accounting.

I became more conservative in my goals, aiming for computer science. Failed miserably. Took up locksmithing, but have never really used it. Instead, I became a nothing. I worked for a music distributor for many years...that's as close as I came to my dream there.

I tried to write. In fact, I finished a novella. But I wasn't able to get the publishing I needed. I continue to work on a new novel, but the lack of success on the first has given me no hope for the second one. It sits, unfinished. And I look at the dream destroyed. What good ARE they, anyway? I mean, really. What good is a dream if you can never fulfill it? It sits as a constant reminder of failure.

Pain is always with me, now. Asthma has taken away my ability to do a lot of things. Hernias have taken away my ability to do heavy lifting. And my hearing loss has taken away my singing... what's left?

It's said that when God closes a door, he opens a window. Unfortunately, my windows are all bricked up. There's no escape from the dismal existence which I now live. Except, of course, through death.

My poem ASHES (Written nearly 25 years ago) pretty much defines it:

The flame in the fireplace has flick'r'd out.

All that's left in sight

are the ashes of the log

which once burned so bright.

The ashes are the last memory

of that forgotten tree. But they

are even more:

Signifying me.

Once I was like that log,

so full of hopes and dreams.

Now all I have is ashes:

Shattered hopes, shattered dreams.

The floor of the fireplace has now been cleaned

ASHES thrown into a can.

And like the hearth is left, I too, am left....

A hollow, empty man.

So much missed. So many dreams destroyed. So much lost -- It's the facts -- As I see it.